The Ton-Up Boy

Ton-Up Boys were motorcyclists whose very title suggested speed; 'doing a ton' being slang for driving at breakneck speeds. The Ton-Up boy usually dressed in leather and became popular before the term 'swinging sixties' was even thought of. They often frequented tea stalls, coffee bars, and cafes of the time. They were often perceived as tough or 'bully boys' by those outside of their circle. In fact, Dick Emery was a keen motorcyclist and owned several large bikes himself. The bikes his Ton-Up Boy was seen riding in the TV series were his own. He wrote of the character: "He needs little in the way of make-up, except for a thick wig. In addition to his basic motor cycling gear, his jacket is adorned with chains and badges, and he wears a military helmet. I have never intended to ridicule motor cycling enthusiasts through this character or make him the butt of our fun. The Ton-Up Boy has been a member of my television family from the earliest series. He is happy-go-lucky, full of the kind of jokes he might have picked up at his group's last gathering, and above all dedicated to his bike."

Interviewer: Excuse me, sir.
Ton-Up Boy: Wotcher, son.
Interviewer: Tell me, do you find there's a strong community spirit in your neighbourhood?
Ton-Up Boy: Fantastic, that's what it is, fantastic. Take what we've done for Charlie the window cleaner. He fell off his ladder and broke his arm. There he was, poor old soul, wearing himself out trying to carry on one handed.
Interviewer: Oh, what a shame.
Ton-Up Boy: Yeah, he just wouldn't stop work-so the lads stepped in and helped him out.
Interviewer: You mean, you cleaned the windows for him?
Ton-Up Boy: Nah, we broke his other arm.

The Traffic Warden

The Traffic Warden represented the small man who, once given a uniform and a little authority, viewed the rest of society as nothing more than doormats to wipe their feet on. But Emery was quick to point out that his portrayal of this character was not specifically aimed at wardens themselves and was merely a convenient comic character used to represent anyone in authority: "My Traffic Warden is the product of many years watching and disliking such characters. He is the vicious bullying type who never knows when to turn a judicious 'blind eye'. Theirs is a hard job, there is no doubt, and they are on the receiving end of much blame and abuse. Their reputation for pettiness probably stems from a mixture of the motorists frustration at not being able to find a parking space, and the attitude of those wardens who patrol the streets like mine does, dedicated to the downfall of the motorist at all costs." The props for the Traffic Warden were a satchel, notepad and pencil and of course the uniform which was standard issue at that time. A mean regimented moustache was added in makeup and Emery jutted out his lower jaw as if to challenge the motorist's right to park-or even own-his car!

Interviewer: Excuse me, Warden. Could you tell me if you have ever been presented with a golden opportunity?
Warden: Blimey, I had one yesterday.
Interviewer: Really?
Warden: Yes. There was this car sitting at a meter with a two pound excess-it had worn tyres-the road licence was out of date-perfect it was! I had the book out, there was the owner hurrying across the road towards me...I'd got him!
Interviewer: Yes?
Warden: Just my flaming luck. He got knocked down by a bus!

Hettie

Hettie was the frustrated spinster who was forever on the lookout for a man. Whenever she was approached by the interviewer in the street with an 'excuse me, madam' she would waste no time in telling him that she was in fact a 'miss', alerting him, and the rest of the world, to the fact that she was available. And Hettie would go to any lengths to find a man, although it was plainly obvious that none of her schemes had proved successful: "Hettie, though ridiculous, is also a pathetic character. I try to bring out this side of her through movement and posture. When she is approached by the interviewer, Hettie becomes a very tense little woman, suddenly aware that she is the centre of attention. Such is her total preoccupation with finding a man that she reduces everything to terms of her own obsession." For a long time Hettie was simply described in scripts as 'Frustrated Spinster' in order to hide the fact that she was actually based on a woman that Dick Emery worked with. Not only did he take on the whole look of this woman, he even took her name!

Interviewer: Excuse me, madam.
Hettie: Miss!
Interviewer: Miss. May I ask, do you think one should help one's neighbours?
Hettie: Oh yes. I live next door to the rugby club. Their dressing room burnt down last month so I let all those big beastly men use my bedroom to change in.
Interviewer: That's very kind of you. I expect you'll miss them once their changing room has been rebuilt?
Hettie: Not for long. I'm going to burn it down again!

Lampwick

Emery's favourite character. In fact he wrote that Lampwick was probably himself at a more advanced age. Since 1963 Emery had enjoyed success on BBC television in a series of shows featuring quick sketches and musical interludes. But he was frustrated that he hadn't had the opportunity to develop his many characters beyond the sketch format. Then, in 1970, he finally got the chance to star in a 50-minute special called 'Dick Emery's Grand Prix'. The storyline concerned Emery's character, Lampwick, as an ageing motor ace determined to win one more race before retiring. The programme enabled Emery to change the format of his shows from then on as he proved that not only were his characters sustainable beyond the quick-fire sketch, but also what an accomplished character actor Dick Emery actually was. From that show on, the musical numbers were dropped and more lengthy character sketches were put in to each show: "So now you see why I feel a debt of gratitude to the old boy!" He wrote. "In spite of his cunning streak, Lampwick is endearingly straight forward and British in the old-fashioned sense. If he saw injustice he would not hesitate to put his fists up and 'have a go', clucking away all the while and choking in the attempt to give vent to his indignation." To achieve the appearance of Lampwick, Emery's hair was ruffled up, he wore 'Lampwick specs' and moustache, a little whitening round the eyes and some shading on the cheeks and forehead to make his face look older and more drawn.

The Bovver Boy

The 'Bovver Boys', also referred to as 'skinheads' grabbed media attention in the UK through the 1970s mostly as a result of hooliganism during football matches. Their style of dress mainly consisted of fitted Ben Sherman or Fred Perry sports shirts, straight leg denims either cut short or turned up to reveal their boots which were made by Dr Martens (also referred to as Doc Martens or DMs). Their hair, as the term 'skinhead' suggests, was close cropped with no greater than a number 2 guard. Dick Emery's character was actually an updated version of an earlier young juvenile delinquent, the Teddy Boy, and was created during the 'Grand Prix' special. Originally, he was intended to be an experiment in a type of 'candid camera' sequence where Emery, in character wandered around a Cambridge market. Unfortunately, technical difficulties meant filming had to be abandoned and the sequence never got to the screen. While Emery used the character for comedic effect he made it quite clear that he had little sympathy for the fellow: "The only way he and his kind can draw themselves the attention they crave in the face of indifference and rejection is to resort to a group identity and commit petty acts of senseless violence. And the press and media play a major part in encouraging them by satisfying the desire to be noticed and reporting the extent of the damage and trouble caused. At last, the Bovver Boys have produced a reaction from an otherwise preoccupied society."

Interviewer: Excuse me, sir.
Bovver Boy: Yer?
Interviewer: Is there anything in life that you feel you've missed?
Bovver Boy: Yer. I never learnt to drive.
Interviewer: That's no great handicap, not being able to drive.
Bovver Boy: It is when you're a car thief.